I Know How You Feel by F. Diane Barth

Author:F. Diane Barth
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

As we have seen, similarities are important in women’s friendships. They provide us with a context and a sense of connectedness. But differences add spice to friendship.

“What’s really incredible about the group of women I’m involved with now,” Juliana said, “is that we are all very different. And everyone supports these differences. We like being together because we learn from and grow from one another. It would be awful being part of a group where everyone’s the same.”

We often grow and develop as a result of input from friends who have a different take on the world or are involved in activities we have not participated in before. Finding a balance between similarity and difference is one key to both giving and accepting advice. And being able to give and accept advice without feeling controlling or controlled may be a key to healthy, meaningful friendships over time.

Liz put it this way: “I have learned, although with difficulty, that Eileen and I are not exactly the same. When I think that I know what she should be doing, I try to remind myself that I only know what I would do in her place. And I try, although I don’t think I always succeed, to say it that way to her.”

And Eileen replied, “And I have learned that I don’t have to do what Lizzie wants. I don’t even have to respond to her suggestion at all, though that always gets her a little steamed. The best response tends to be to thank her and to tell her I’ll think about it, and then, after a beat, to say something like, ‘I know it’s what you would do. I’m just not sure it’s what I need to do.’ She gets that now and, although she will usually push her point a little more, I can stand my ground. And she will eventually let go.”

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